The Mirror

2019

I'm the brunette, transgender wife.

One thing I have noticed is that I don't hate the mirror like I used to. I wasn't one of those people who looked in the mirror and thought I was ugly or something. But seeing myself in the mirror was always jarring.

Mirrors are a Problem

When you look at the mirror, and the image you see looks nothing like who you are, it unsettles you immensely. Looking in the mirror was thus difficult, yet something I had to do pretty much every day in my adulthood because as a Soldier I had to be cleanly shaven.

Full-length mirrors were a problem for me. Sure, bathroom mirrors were an issue, because my face didn't match my perception. But a full-length mirror was particularly jarring. I suppose it was because the entire image of me, head to toe, was just too much to deal with. So, when I had to look into a mirror at all, I only looked as long as absolutely necessary, but if it was a full-length mirror, I would quickly glance and move away. My wife says a full-length mirror was my nemesis.

Smiling at the Mirror

I'm well along into transition, hormones, etc. When I look in the mirror nowadays, I tend to smile. What I see seems like so much more representational of who I am. I have seen the seat of my pants fill out more, and I can now wear women's tops and look good in them!

Sometimes I like how a certain clothing item looks on me. Sometimes I don't. So sometimes, that makes me frown. But overall, I like what I see in the mirror now.

There's a peace that comes with an image in the mirror that resonates. I can't find a way to describe it. But, it's there.