California Manly Girl

2017

While attending military training in California, I was quartered in a barracks with lots of men. It was an atmosphere I found extremely uncomfortable. Using the restroom in the barracks was especially bad, and so I sought a different source. I had discovered that the chaplain would leave the chapel unlocked at night if he knew someone wanted to use the kitchen. It was pretty well known that the chaplain did this for Soldiers.

I Wish They All Could Be California...

On my second day there, it occurred to me that the restrooms in the chapel were thus accessible for me after hours. The chapel was right down the street, only about a three-minute walk, and I had a car. Accordingly, when I needed to use the restroom, I went down the street to the chapel. This worked very well for several days.

One thing we had to do as part of our training was that each person had to take turns leading a briefing on current events and how they impacted our branch of service. We had a range of topic areas to choose from. I chose a topic no one would expect and briefed on the new Army policy regarding the integration of transgender Soldiers. I discussed this with my wife in advance, and she agreed it was a good topic, but wisely cautioned me to make sure that no matter what, I did not come out as part of that discussion, because at that point, transgender Soldiers were still being discharged. About 1/3 of the way through the discussion, I noticed one female Soldier, an E-6 who I will not name, suddenly sit up, and her eyes get big as she watched me. Then she smiled, a Cheshire cat sort of smile. I remember thinking “I’ve screwed up. She knows. She’s figured it out”. I had no choice but to continue on as though nothing was wrong, but inside, I was scared. But as far as I know, she didn’t say anything to anyone, at least not that I knew.

Goin' to the Chapel...

Toward the end of my time there for training, as I entered the chapel one night to use the restroom, I was surprised to bump into another person, coming out. That person was equally surprised to see me. This person, the female E-6 from my transgender discussion, was someone I had thought was a typical “woman in the Army trying to be like one of the guys” female Rambo type, who acted tough, talked tough, and wasn’t at all feminine. Not at all.

This Soldier asked me why I was there, and I told the truth. To use the restroom. She and I had some conversation then, and again later. I was surprised to discover that this person was actually a female to male (FTM) transgender Soldier (pronouns they/them), who had also hit on the idea to use the restrooms at the chapel to avoid restrooms in the female barracks, where they were forced to stay. What were the odds?  I was intrigued to meet someone in the same sort of situation, and in my own small group of Soldiers! We ended up hugging and exchanged some furtive smiles over the next few days, and at one point, they complimented my sandals (see the story titled “California Girly Girl").

I discovered over the next few days that they were on hormones, and had been engaging in binding their breasts to minimize them. They wore androgynous clothes, and interestingly, wore men’s boxers. They didn’t ever wear earrings anymore, and I noticed that their hands were rough. I asked, and they said they made a point of working without gloves because they had naturally soft, smooth skin, and didn’t want feminine hands.

They asked me about my routine, and I explained about having begun shaving my body, that I wasn’t sure if I would be doing hormones, and that I had only just begun to feminize my wardrobe. They suggested I try wearing toe rings.

They Think You're Gay

They also told me that female Soldiers in their barracks had been making jokes about me, saying I seemed gay. It seemed I didn’t seem very masculine, which of course I don’t.

The reason they had sat up straight suddenly in my talk in class a few days previous, with really large eyes, is they had "put two and two together", and then when sure, that had prompted the smile I had misinterpreted as malice. 

I watched them over the next few days, intrigued by their body, their walk, their comportment. They were doing the exact same thing, in reverse, that I was doing. They were trying desperately to minimize their physical gender so they appeared female still, and yet be who they really are as a person, while trying hard to keep others from making the connection.

Both of us expressed how much we appreciate the other one, and the good will we expressed toward each other. For me, it was oddly relaxing to know there was another transgender Soldier in my class.

There was a quick “good luck” and a hug as we left at the end of training. All I know is that having someone else in my situation there made things so much more relaxed for me, and gave me a lot more confidence.