The Day My Boss Learned Something

 2023

The Day My Boss Learned Something

One day, at a work meeting, I was relating a story of something that happened at a previous job. My career field is relatively small compared to many, and most people in it had bumped into each other at some point. It turned out my current boss was good friends with the guy who was the Assistant Director of the department at the job I was telling the story about. I've been at my new job about a year, and my boss was loving the idea of getting with his friend to share stories from when I was years younger.

That worried me. Not because I had done anything wrong. I am good at what I do. I wasn't worried about anything they might tell each other, except for one thing. In that previous job from years ago, I was using my deadname. 

As a reminder, a deadname is the name a transgender person was known by before their transition. The last thing I wanted was that name being brought up at work. That  isn't my name, and I don't want people thinking about that name when they see me. 

I honestly didn't know what to do He certainly had a right to speak with his friend about whatever he wished. Yet, my job is a good job, and I'm happy there, and I don't want to see it become less friendly. Does that make sense?

I decided that what I needed to do was explain my concern to my boss. So I sent him a message that said, among other things, that as he spoke with his friend about me, one thing they were going to quickly realize was that my name then was different than what it is now. I explained what a dead name is, and how transgender people typically would go to about any length to not have that name come up. So, I asked him to please keep that name to himself, and please not tell my coworkers. That was, as you might imagine, a difficult message to send. 

Yet, in my job interview, they asked me my thoughts on diversity. So I took the plunge and told them that I'm transgender, right there in the interview. I explained that diversity really matters, that it makes an organization stronger and more effective, and to me personally, it allowed me to have a greater impact on the organization because I could bring my authentic self to work. They hired me. 

So, I sent the message to him.

His response came relatively quickly, and it was brief. He said "That being the case, while I will of course still talk with him, I will not have any conversations with him about you.".

The next morning at work, he sent me another message. I was surprised. "Thank you for helping me learn something new".

I am thankful to have a boss who is open to learning. I know that is a blessing.