Advice From Our Kids: Coming Out Letters

I came out to our kids using personal, sealed letters. My research showed that this was an effective way to do it. They were roommates in an apartment, so I asked them to take them into their rooms, and read them alone, at the same time. I used sarcasm, and humor, because that's how our family communicates. I wrote a very heartfelt letter.

I'm not a complete idiot, so I ran the letter past my therapist. She liked it, but was concerned about the humor. We're a quirky family. I explained to her that we communicate that way, so she told me to go for it.

In the letter, I employed the "Mom, I'm pregnant! Just kidding. I need money for college" approach. I explained a bit about what I had been experiencing. I let them know I love them, and I was extremely vulnerable with them. 

The letter made them cry. Partly because of the content, partly because my sarcastic humor was probably not such a good idea. Moral of that story? Listen to your therapist, because they are an unbiased observer.

What would our kids recommend for a coming out letter?

- Be honest. Don't lie, don't tell half truths or sort-of truths, and don't say things that aren't reality.

- Talk about your reality, what you've experienced, and why coming out is important.
- Don't talk down to the person / people you're coming out to.
- Explain things in terms they can for sure relate to. It's easy to say "My gender doesn't match my body", but for someone with no frame of reference, that will simply make no sense. Find a way to put it in terms that make sense to them.

- Be vulnerable.
- Make sure you tell them how you feel about them, and your relationship with them.
- Reassure them.