Panic Attacks

1978

When I was a child, I experienced something painful. Literally painful. I was having chest pains, with difficulty breathing. I felt tingling in my fingers, sometimes I would feel sweaty or chilly. It happened at odd times, with no real cause, and I never knew when it was going to happen.

Of course, I told my parents. Honestly, they didn't believe me. Even when it eventually happened in front of them, they thought I was faking. But, it kept happening, and I remember my mom at one point telling me they were going to waste money to take me to the doctor so he could tell me it wasn't happening.

A few weeks later, I was seen by a doctor. He ran a few tests and told my parents that he thought I was just under physical stress, caused by eating too much, and not getting enough sleep. Mind you, I got more sleep than most of my peers, thanks to my extremely early bedtime, and I was skinny and always hungry.

My parents immediately cut my food back even more, and began requiring an earlier bedtime. It didn't help at all.

In the same period that this was happening, I was going through a period of strong dissonance. I was feeling really out of place, and so many things were starting to feel wrong. 

Thankfully, the chest pain and difficulty breathing slowly got farther between episodes. Now, with the benefit of hindsight, I am aware that what I was experiencing were the symptoms of panic attacks. they were really scary. 

I still have panic attacks sometimes. Usually centered around something scary to me. For example, during my time in the Army Reserve, I sometimes had panic attacks before drills in which I knew I was going to have to go into locker rooms. 

Panic attacks are scary. If you experience them, I can't begin to encourage you enough to seek aomeone to help. 

My New Hairdresser

 2017 - 2018

 

My first hairdresser having taken a job out of hair care, we went in search of someone new. A few visits to have my hair done proved disastrous, and we decided we need to be seeking for someone in a more expensive salon.

We visited a salon at a local mall, and once in the chair, I was again nervous. My wife was all over this, explaining what we were after, and why, and from the grin on the hairdresser’s face as she talked about how she’d want to go about it, I knew she was fully on board.

That first visit, she fixed the damage that Great Clips had caused. On subsequent visits, she crafted my hair as it got longer and longer, making sure that we stayed noticeably inside the line before each month’s drill.

Each time, when she was done, she and my wife went over with me how best to achieve the look she was creating. Hearing my wife say “Wow, that looks really good” was awesome!

If you're trans, and don't see a hair stylist, please consider it. Feeling good about yourself really helps with self esteem.