Coming Out At Work - The First Steps

2018

When the time came to come out at work, I planned very carefully. I had a job that paid well, and I was good at, and I didn't want to lose it. But coming out at work had to be done. My transition had progressed to the point that people knew something was going on. So I put a lot of thought into it. 

The first person I told was our HR person. I was really nervous, to be honest. You never really know how someone is going to react, and so I knew that it might not go well. Sure, you might have an idea of how they will react. But you never know until you know. Thankfully, she was fully supportive.

She and I planned how to tell my immediate supervisor. We had the company policy on discrimination on our side. Mind you, I actually am the one who wrote the policy a few years back, and the company owner had signed off on it. We decided a non-blunt, honest approach would be best because that seemed to best match his personality. We sat him down one day and told him openly and honestly, and I let him know that it was more than okay for him to ask questions. He did, and I responded openly. He turned out to be fully supportive as well.

He asked a few more questions over the next several days, and I did my best to answer them. Thankfully, he was respectful, and asked good questions, including a few that challenged me. One that challenged me was what did I foresee being the biggest issues facing me at work. 

I considered that question for a few days, and responded that my biggest concerns were the reaction of the company owner, the chance that some of my employees wouldn't want to work for me, and the possibility of a violent reaction or other confrontation with a customer. So, we talked through those scenarios to try to find the best ways to mitigate those issues.

We gave him a few weeks to digest, and then he, the HR person, and I began planning to tell the Company owner, who is a conservative Christian. We thought it best to talk with him before telling my employees. 

I was encouraged by the success of my initial coming out at work. I admit it felt great!

What Could Happen

2021

When someone comes out as transgender, there are some negative things that could happen. Some, or all of them could raise their ugly head in your life if and when you come out.

You Could Lose Your Job

In many places, it is legal to fire someone based solely on the fact that they are transgender. I believe personally that this being legal is a load of crap, and should be changed tomorrow. When you come out, you might lose your job. It could come either from being fired outright by some conservative religious zealot, or through your life at work being made into a hell you eventually can't stomach. Either of those routes results in the same thing. Shoot, my boss when I came out told me that he was afraid he was going to go to hell for employing me. 

But maybe you shouldn't be working there anyway?

You Could Lose Your Friends

It is possible that when you come out, you could experience your friends turning their backs on you. Some of them, perhaps. Perhaps, all of them. I said that before I came out, I was going to take screen shots of my Facebook friends list, just to see how it changed over the next few months.

Some friends might be very happy for you. they might be wildly supportive, and I'm here to tell you that supportive friends is a wonderful thing! But if you're like me, and you have friends with military or conservative religious backgrounds, some of them will walk away.

Goodness did my friend's list change. I'm so glad it did. 

You Could Lose Your Family Members

Your parents, siblings, kids, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews might well still love you, or even love you more. Some of them might not. Next Thanksgiving, the table might have a missing face. There might be a few less Christmas cards. Many of them might put the differences, if there are any, aside and maintain a relationship. Some might not.

But you might just learn that family isn't who you're related to. It's who loves you. 

You Just Don't Know

Honestly, you just don't know. You certainly can easily make predictions, and you might make some very accurate predictions. Some people I was convinced would not accept me at all have been pretty reasonable.

You might lose your job. You might not. You might find a better job. You might lose some friends. You might not. You might find new friends. You might lose some family members. You might not.

The end result is the same. You finally get to be you. Believe me, there is peace in that!

Do what you can do to maintain relationships. I have put my marriage as a massive priority in my life. My wife has worked hard at helping me be me, and I have worked equally hard to help her grow as well.

What could happen could be bad. It could be amazingly good. If it's good, rejoice! If some of the bad appears, then continue on with life, and the good will return in some way. Not instantly, but anything that is good is worth working toward.

Smacked on the Butt

Smacked on the Butt

2021

I was walking through the local Lowes. I was in the hardware aisle. It was during work hours, and I had on the company uniform of khaki pants and a slate gray polo. The pants fit well in the butt. Not loose, not crazy tight. 

Anyway, I was cruising down the hardware aisle. There were several men in the aisle, and a few of them were watching me. As I passed a guy who was about 40, he suddenly smacked me on the butt. Not hard. Sort of a "cupping the cheek" smack.

I wasn't sure how to react. I'd never had something like that happen before, and for sure hadn't been expecting it. I froze, and felt myself turning red. 

Finally, I just continued down the aisle until I got to what I was looking for. I made my selection and left the aisle out the other end. 

After I left the store, I texted a friend and told her what had happened. Her response made me smile, but also was disquieting. 

"Welcome to the everyday experience of women everywhere".

The worst thing is, she's right.