When someone comes out as transgender, there are some negative things that could happen. Some, or all of them could raise their ugly head in your life if and when you come out.
You Could Lose Your Job
In many places, it is legal to fire someone based solely on the fact that they are transgender. I believe personally that this being legal is a load of crap, and should be changed tomorrow. When you come out, you might lose your job. It could come either from being fired outright by some conservative religious zealot, or through your life at work being made into a hell you eventually can't stomach. Either of those routes results in the same thing. Shoot, my boss when I came out told me that he was afraid he was going to go to hell for employing me.
You Could Lose Your Job
In many places, it is legal to fire someone based solely on the fact that they are transgender. I believe personally that this being legal is a load of crap, and should be changed tomorrow. When you come out, you might lose your job. It could come either from being fired outright by some conservative religious zealot, or through your life at work being made into a hell you eventually can't stomach. Either of those routes results in the same thing. Shoot, my boss when I came out told me that he was afraid he was going to go to hell for employing me.
But maybe you shouldn't be working there anyway?
You Could Lose Your Friends
It is possible that when you come out, you could experience your friends turning their backs on you. Some of them, perhaps. Perhaps, all of them. I said that before I came out, I was going to take screen shots of my Facebook friends list, just to see how it changed over the next few months.
Some friends might be very happy for you. they might be wildly supportive, and I'm here to tell you that supportive friends is a wonderful thing! But if you're like me, and you have friends with military or conservative religious backgrounds, some of them will walk away.
You Could Lose Your Friends
It is possible that when you come out, you could experience your friends turning their backs on you. Some of them, perhaps. Perhaps, all of them. I said that before I came out, I was going to take screen shots of my Facebook friends list, just to see how it changed over the next few months.
Some friends might be very happy for you. they might be wildly supportive, and I'm here to tell you that supportive friends is a wonderful thing! But if you're like me, and you have friends with military or conservative religious backgrounds, some of them will walk away.
Goodness did my friend's list change. I'm so glad it did.
You Could Lose Your Family Members
Your parents, siblings, kids, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews might well still love you, or even love you more. Some of them might not. Next Thanksgiving, the table might have a missing face. There might be a few less Christmas cards. Many of them might put the differences, if there are any, aside and maintain a relationship. Some might not.
You Could Lose Your Family Members
Your parents, siblings, kids, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews might well still love you, or even love you more. Some of them might not. Next Thanksgiving, the table might have a missing face. There might be a few less Christmas cards. Many of them might put the differences, if there are any, aside and maintain a relationship. Some might not.
But you might just learn that family isn't who you're related to. It's who loves you.
You Just Don't Know
Honestly, you just don't know. You certainly can easily make predictions, and you might make some very accurate predictions. Some people I was convinced would not accept me at all have been pretty reasonable.
You might lose your job. You might not. You might find a better job. You might lose some friends. You might not. You might find new friends. You might lose some family members. You might not.
The end result is the same. You finally get to be you. Believe me, there is peace in that!
Do what you can do to maintain relationships. I have put my marriage as a massive priority in my life. My wife has worked hard at helping me be me, and I have worked equally hard to help her grow as well.
What could happen could be bad. It could be amazingly good. If it's good, rejoice! If some of the bad appears, then continue on with life, and the good will return in some way. Not instantly, but anything that is good is worth working toward.
You Just Don't Know
Honestly, you just don't know. You certainly can easily make predictions, and you might make some very accurate predictions. Some people I was convinced would not accept me at all have been pretty reasonable.
You might lose your job. You might not. You might find a better job. You might lose some friends. You might not. You might find new friends. You might lose some family members. You might not.
The end result is the same. You finally get to be you. Believe me, there is peace in that!
Do what you can do to maintain relationships. I have put my marriage as a massive priority in my life. My wife has worked hard at helping me be me, and I have worked equally hard to help her grow as well.
What could happen could be bad. It could be amazingly good. If it's good, rejoice! If some of the bad appears, then continue on with life, and the good will return in some way. Not instantly, but anything that is good is worth working toward.
Wonderful advice and it makes me so sad to read what you went through simply to be able to live true to yourself. Curious, of all those categories of issues, which one for you was the most emotionally difficult? -dani
ReplyDeleteI would have to say the loss of friends was hardest. I found some really awesome friends as a result of coming out, but there were some people who turned their back on me that really surprised me.
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