The Right Way to Choose a Name

2018-2019

I'm the brunette, transgender wife.

In 2018, my name change process began. I spent my entire life to that point with a name that honestly wasn't me, and it got to the point that it needed to be changed. It didn't change by accident, but because I desired a name that more accurately reflects who I am. Once it got to the point that it was a need, I began the search for my name.

Okay...We're a Bit Twisted Maybe

Now, our family has a sense of humor, and I very badly wanted to seek input from my wife, our kids (who are adults), and a few close friends. We especially wanted our kids involved, because how often does a child get to name their parent? Accordingly, my wife and I tossed about a few possible names. My wife and I chose one that we thought sounded good, and we trotted out the name to our kids and close friends. We honestly thought we had the winner.

No. That'd be too easy. Our kids hated the name we had chosen and bluntly said so. I'm ever so glad they did.

Realizing that what we did hadn't worked for us, we decided to try something different. We tapped into that sense of humor I mentioned and decided to run a contest of sorts. First, my wife and I, and our friends and kids brainstormed names. We listed every woman's name we liked. No name was off-limits during the brainstorming session. We thus arrived at quite a list.

Next, I eliminated a few names that I just plain didn't like. My wife and our kids also had veto authority. Many of the names on the list were thus eliminated. Goodness, we must have eliminated dozens. One friend asked to eliminate a name, but we had decided that the reason given wasn't a good one, so that didn't happen. When all was said and done, we arrived at 24 names, one of which was the original name we had chosen. That name made the list by default, by virtue of having originally been the front-runner.

The 24 remaining names were randomly placed into a tournament bracket in a similar manner to that of sports tournament brackets. This resulted in 12 pairs of names. Over the next few weeks, my wife, kids, and close friends were texted each of the 12 brackets, one bracket at a time. We intentionally spaced them out to allow for thought. Each person responded with their choice between the two. Typically, in each bracket, one name won handily. The winner of each bracket advanced to the next round.

The next round was 12 names, in six brackets. The same method was followed, except for this round, we included the listed meaning for each name. These decisions were much more difficult because all 12 names seemed to be good names. A week later, we were down to six names. This list included the originally chosen name.

On to the Finals

My wife and I had a lengthy discussion at this point and decided to eliminate the original name we had chosen because we had identified five other names we honestly liked better. Our kids agreed that they liked each of the 5 names better than the original. We reasoned that since it was honestly a distant sixth, there was no need to continue considering it. Two more days gone, five names left.

We then sent all five remaining names to everyone who had been participating and asked for suggestions of two names to eliminate. Another way to say it was that we asked them to choose two names on the list they thought were the weakest choices. Interestingly, the two names eliminated as a result were nearly unanimous. Three more days down.

Then three names remained. My wife and I used each of these names in our conversations, with the intent of seeing how they sounded. Did they seem natural? Did the name seem like me, or did it seem like a stage name or something? My wife and I tossed those names around in our conversations for a few weeks, using each name for a few days, and one name seemed to consistently stand out.

We felt that confirmation was an important step. So, we used that one, by itself, on a trial basis, just between us, to see how it felt, for another few weeks. That name resonated with both of us, and we decided that our search was over. Interestingly, the name chosen was the name the friend had asked us to drop from consideration at the very beginning. We passed that name on to our kids and close friends, and there was a universal thumbs up.

My wife and I are glad we used the system we used, instead of simply choosing a girly sounding name and going with it, as so many do. We ended up choosing a name we never would have remotely considered simply by looking at names that immediately came to mind.

A month later, after learning all we could about how the name change process worked, we filed for the name change. It was late in 2018. Early in 2019, the name change was complete.

I'm not trying to say you should use my process. I AM trying to say that quickly choosing a girl's name you've always liked, or if you're a transgender guy, quickly choosing a guy's name you've always liked, might not be the best move. You might have a much more fitting name hanging out there on the edge of your thoughts, just waiting to be found. Give it a chance to be heard.