Thank You, Ma'am

2017

One day, I was at a local hospital to see a few doctors. I had multiple appointments and had already been to my first one. There was time for lunch, so my wife and I were at the hospital cafeteria to eat. We had gotten our food and had sat down to eat, and I had gone back to get something, I think more iced tea, for my wife.

My typical clothing at that time was what people call skinny jeans, which I wore because they were snugger than typical men’s jeans, and allowed me to drift more toward female jeans, in fit. I would wear some sort of v-neck t-shirt, and I had a pair of black canvas shoes from the women’s section of Wal-Mart, which were for some reason shoes people didn’t notice me wearing, and thus, were “under the radar”. Also, those shoes were very comfortable!

Today’s outfit was black skinny jeans, those black shoes, and a bright pink T-shirt. My hair had been allowed to grow out for a few months by this point, and thus, was a bit longer than some guys. I felt far better, dressed in this manner.

I got some tea for my wife and went to the cash register. I asked the cashier, an older woman with a friendly smile, a question about the tea, and she replied: “Yes, ma’am”. I didn’t really notice. But then I paid for the tea, and as she handed me the receipt, the cashier said: “Thank you, ma’am”. So I was now sure I had heard it twice. I didn’t know at the time that hospital employees are encouraged, when they see someone expressing gender, to respond appropriately.

I told my wife, and later, my therapist. Both of them asked me the same question, which was how did it make me feel? My initial answer to both of them was that I wasn’t really sure. But, after reflection, I realized that I had that warm feeling you get when something good happens. That was the first time that someone other than my wife and my therapist recognized the “me”, in me.