Compliment at Church

2017

As I grew more confident in how I was expressing my gender identity, I began dressing in a much more androgynous fashion at church. Now, this was a huge step for me, because the church we attended at the time was very conservative. I had not, to this point, dressed in anything remotely approaching "non-dude".

One Sunday, I was wearing an outfit that I felt good in. First, we had been allowing my hair to grow out. This was very unusual for me because I was still in the Army Reserve. But recently, haircut regulations had eased considerably, so there was some leeway. Though I had known that for a while, I hadn’t considered growing my hair out. But by this point in my life, my wife and I had decided to let it grow. At this point, my hair was so much longer than people I had been going to church with for years didn’t recognize me at first.

So, my hair was much longer, though still relatively masculine in appearance. My eyebrows were waxed as well. I had on a pair of tight khaki pants that had straight legs, with no pleats or cuffs. I had on a purple and white checkered shirt with very small squares, and a pair of brown women’s boots that looked fairly androgynous. Overall, I was dressed as femininely as possible, while remaining clothed just masculine enough to get by. I felt both nervous and at the same time, happy because I felt much better in these clothes! There is enormous freedom in putting on clothing that makes you feel more like “you”.

As I walked through the church building, I turned a corner, and there was a very conservative woman who I had known for a few years. She is a nice person, but also, not someone who would likely accept me for who I am. She looked up as I approached, looked me over from head to toe, saw the clothes without it registering who I was (I think), and said “Hi! You look really cute today!”

I was completely surprised. I could tell from her expression and the way she continued conversing with the person she had been talking with, that she didn’t even realize what she had said. The other person in that conversation, a wonderful friend of mine who knows the truth about me, just started chuckling and gave me a hug.

It really shouldn’t matter. I know it shouldn’t. But wow, did it feel good, hearing those words spoken to me by a woman, at the sight of me in the same way she might have told any woman.