What I'd Tell Myself Looking Back

2019

Iceberg Right Ahead!

I'm the brunette, transgender wife

Remembering back to when my wife and I began this journey, it is interesting to think of how things have changed. But what once seemed so daunting - a massive series of roadblocks in front of us - turned out to be a breathtakingly freeing experience.

I remember the tears when it finally clicked what was going on in my life. That sudden, shocking (to me) realization of the reason behind what I'd been experiencing. The emotional turmoil. The fear. The questions. What did this all mean? What was up ahead?

My mind went to the stories I'd heard about people transitioning and it being disastrous for them. Their lives ruined. The drama. The upheaval. The loss. I didn't want my life to be a disaster!

Put On The Brakes!

Stop. Take a deep breath. Relax.

It's not the end of your life. It's not the end of your relationships, or at least it doesn't have to be. It's not the end of your job, or at least it doesn't have to be.

Don't panic. Sure, there are roadblocks. Or are there, really? For me, the roadblocks turned out to be hurdles. Roadblocks bar your progress forward, but hurdles can be leaped over.

Get some help. No matter how strong you are, no matter how self-assured you are, get some help. Having someone to talk with as you make plans and go through changes can be that stabilizing presence in your life that you need when the changes, physical and in your thought process, come.

Sunrise on a Cruise Ship

My wife and I went on a cruise, years back. I'm an early riser, and so I discovered that the ship had an outdoor running track on one of the upper decks. I got up each morning and went out there, and walked. As I walked, the sun came up over the ocean. There was nothing out there at all in sight but us. It was peaceful and beautiful and relaxing.

That's what this is. At least, that's what this is if you let it be. Just a sunrise viewed from a cruise ship. There is beauty here. There is opportunity here. Opportunity to learn, grow, change for the better. There is peace here, just waiting to be found.

Friendships worth maintaining will be maintained. Sure, you might have a friend or two that you figure out, through this, are not the sort of people you want as friends. That's fine! Part ways amicably, and realize that you'll end up with new friends.

If you have a good job with a good employer, it'll still be there. If you don't, that job might leave, in which case, for your peace of mind, that's the best thing, long term. Dust yourself off and update your resume, and go get another job.

If your relationships with family are built on good communication, they still will be. If they aren't, they still won't be.

It's the End of the World As We Know It!

It might be. But just because it's the end of the world as you know it, doesn't mean it's the end of the world. There's this fresh, clean smell after it has rained. Do you know the smell I mean? It makes you feel so good when you smell it! That smell is there because the rain has rinsed away that which is toxic or impure, and what's left is supposed to be there.

That's what this is. It's that fresh, clean smell. A breath of fresh air. The next step on the journey. Sure, there will be changes. That's okay. Take a deep breath. You're becoming yourself, finally. Relax. Enjoy it. Get ready for an amazing ride.

Look. Do you see it? The sun is coming up over the ocean! Isn't it beautiful?

10 Awesome Things People Have Said To Me Recently

I am the brunette, transgender wife.

1. "I love you!" - my amazing wife
2.  "Are you two mother and daughter? You look just alike." - a female gas station clerk addressing my and our youngest child
3.  "You must feel awesome" - youngest child, exiting the above-mentioned gas station with me
4. "After you, ma'am." - a twenty-something guy holding a door for me
5. "I love your hair." - coworker
6. "It's been a lot of fun watching her bloom" - my amazing wife, referring to me
7. "That's a great color on you! You should wear that a lot!" - a young woman at church referring to a teal shirt I wore
8. "Would this be separate checks or together?" - a waitress to my wife and I, tacitly acknowledging we're 2 women
9. "May I help you ladies?" - a coffee shop employee to my wife and me
10. "Oh you shouldn't have told me that!" - a local Wal mart manager, glowing with the anticipation upon hearing that the changing room employees have been a bit difficult, going on to explain how she was going to fix that issue