I had taken a new job. It was a good job, great benefits, and an excellent opportunity in the field my degree is in. The employer is also LGBTQIA+ friendly in general. My new coworkers did a great job of adapting to a transgender woman joining the team. They integrated me quickly, nailed pronouns every time, asked good, non-invasive questions, and made me feel welcome. In my first few weeks there, I probably met 500 employees, and it went well. Until it didn't.
I'd been there about 2 weeks, and was with a coworker walking through a facility I was responsible for, so I could learn more about the building. I'm a safety person, and I have responsiblity for multiple buildings.
We were pretty much done, and were walking through the lobby to go to the elevators so we could go to the executive offices. That would enable me to meet the Associate Director for that facility. Keeping a good working relationship with him was important.
As we walked across the lobby, the receptionist saw me walking, and thought of something she needed to ask my coworker and I. Though she had been introduced to me about half an hour prior, she called over to us, saying "Excuse me, sir. Ma'am. I don't know what you are."
I'm not going to lie. That was a kick in the stomach. Suddenly, I was wondering if this was the job for me, if I was truly accepted, if there was a lot of hidden bigotry I somehow hadn't picked up on. The culture of the organization we work for is such that she'd have really gotten in trouble had I reported what she said. I didn't report her.
Fast forward a few years. I've probably had over a hundred conversations with her. She seems a good person. Last week, I brought up our first meeting, and reminded her of what she said that day. I explained how I had felt, and that there are still days I hear her say that. I didn't do it to be mean, but rather, because I didn't want to keep holding it against her.
She was shocked, and apologized profusely. What stood out to me in that moment was that I was the very first trans person she had worked with, and she didn't handle it well. Since then, I've seen her interact with multiple gender diverse employees, and she is clearly a good person. So, as in so many other times, I was able to change someone's heart simply by existing, and helping someone see that trans people are valid.
