2020
Meeting With the Pastor
My wife and I went to sit down and talk with the Pastor of the church we had been attending. We asked for the meeting because we had been noticing some odd things that didn't seem to fit with the church's public persona.
As in many churches, this church was always saying they needed people to do things in the church. It was announced every Sunday from the stage and was on slides shown before and after the service as well. One area they needed help in was with what they called guest services, which to them meant hospitality positions; greeters, people who show new people around, etc. My wife and I had volunteered to be greeters several times, and there had been no response at all, despite them being very much in need of guest services people. That seemed odd.
We had been asked a few times in the past to help serve communion, but that suddenly stopped. That seemed odd.
Though seating in the service was relatively limited, when additional people came, and chairs had to be pulled out of classrooms, no one sat in the row we sat in. That seemed odd. They weren't subtle; rather, they were obvious.
We attended a church work day, part of the point of which was to work with other people and get to know others. My wife and me were the only couple not assigned with others. That seemed odd.
The church had a creed they recited each week. The first half went like this:
"(Name of church) is a safe place, a refuge for those who feel lost or forgotten. Though we're not perfect, our promise is to protect you and provide a place where your name and gifts are known. We will stand beside you, not over you. Together we will..."
This creed led us to hope that what we thought we were seeing in the church, the odd occurrences, was inaccurate. So we decided to ask to meet with the Pastor and talk about it.
So, at the appointed time, we came to his office to talk. We had hopes that the conversation would go well, and to be honest, at first, it did. The pastor asked us to tell him what we had been experiencing over the last few years as a transgender person, and as the wife of a transgender person. He listened, and then it was his turn to respond.
First, he small talked for a few minutes, and asked minor clarification questions. So far, so good. Then, he told us he had little experience with having someone LGBT+ in the church. He said he had no idea how to proceed, including handling questions from other church members.
He disclosed that he had received numerous complaints from church members because of my presence. Among other things, people were offended that I had been asked to serve communion. Additionally, some people thought I shouldn't be allowed to participate in communion at all.
He then said he could honestly understand why people might be uncomfortable sitting near me in church. It was at this point that I realized I could no longer attend there.
The end result of the meeting was that we were not going to be permitted to participate in doing anything within the church. It's okay if we attend, but we won't be permitted to serve communion anymore, or to be greeters, or do other things in the church. Not because of any lack of faith or knowledge or experience, or because of any failure on our part. Just because of who I am.
I'm not going to lie. That made me sad and angry. A safe place? Really? A refuge? Seriously? You will stand beside me? Apparently not. In addition to being sad and angry, I felt rejected. Unwanted. Soiled. Have you ever felt like that? It's a feeling of rock bottom despair.
It was an easy decision. We ended the meeting, walked out, and never went back.
Note: When getting ready to post this, I checked the church website to make sure I got the wording of the creed right. There, I discovered that earlier this year, the church had shut its doors.
