The "Fight" in the Alley

 1981

 

It was 8^th grade, the time in life when people in my middle school were the kings and queens, running the school, as far as we were concerned. Not me, though. I was just trying to get through. Like all schools, there were some boys who spent their days trying to assert their dominance. I wasn't the most masculine student, and one day an eighth-grader named Steve decided that he was offended by me.

Steve was an eighth-grade football player. I was about 5'5" at the time, and he was nearly 6 feet tall. He was a pretty big guy, with about 80 pounds on me. He was also a karate student. Sarcastically speaking, I was overcome with joy at the prospect of fighting him. 

Steve buzzed it around school that I was gay, and had hit on him. Naturally, the other guys egged him on to kick my butt.  So on a Monday he announced that he and I were fighting on Thursday morning, 15 minutes before school started, right in front of the school. Interestingly, I had no idea for over a day that this was the case. I guess everyone thought I knew, so no one mentioned it. Imagine my shock upon hearing it!

Steve was much larger than I was, and had a reputation for being a pretty good fighter. In other words, I’d rather not have to do this. But I also knew if I didn’t show, I’d be considered a coward. As far as everyone knew, I was a boy. Being considered a coward would mean every boy in school would be looking to fight me, just to improve their own reputation. 

Wednesday, I ran into him in the hallway. My middle school, the former high school, was an old, three story tall building with a full basement that was also classrooms, and there were a huge number of stairways. You could easily go for days and not run into someone. We were supposed to meet to fight the next morning. I had no idea why I did this, but I told him I didn’t want to meet in front of the school, because we’d just get suspended. I told him I wanted to meet in an alley that was a block away from the back of the school, a half-hour before school started. He agreed. Thankfully, there were witnesses, including some of the cheerleaders. In my community, the cheerleaders had the power.

Thursday morning came, and I was there in the alley, 10 minutes early. I guess I’m an idiot. Who comes early to get their butt kicked? But hey. My dad had taught me to be early for things. I stood nervously, looking at my watch, and waited. And waited. And waited. No one showed, not even spectators. I was only a few minutes from being late for school. Finally, I went down the street to the school. As I walked in, a passing girl announced “Here comes the pussy!” Cue the laughter.

I was surprised, and told her I waited at the agreed upon spot, and Steve never showed. The kids that were laughing heard it too. I went to my locker, grabbed my books, and went to class. In the next few hours, the ridicule of me for not showing for the fight became kids telling me it was cool that I had “won” the fight. Steve, it seemed, forgot he had agreed to meet in the alley. So, he and a bunch of his closest friends waited in front of the school along with the potential spectators. So, Steve was a no-show. In middle school social rules, I had won the fight.

Steve found me in the hallway at the end of the day, and told me he wanted to fight. I told him bluntly that I’d pass. I had won, and that was that. His friends told him it was fair, and to back off, and the result of the day was that I won!

Why Do Cisgender Lesbians Reject Transgender Women So Often

Why Do Cisgender Lesbians Reject Transgender Women So Often?

This is something I hear a lot from transgender women I interact with online. These women are transgender lesbians, and it can be really hard to find cisgender lesbians who will give them the time of day. That makes me sad. 

I understand of course that people often like to be physically attracted to someone, but if we're being honest, who one is physically attracted to changes much more often than people admit. For example, someone who is wildly attracted to a tall blonde, who ends up in a relationship with a petite brunette.

Relationships go deeper than the surface. The people we're attracted to check some boxes other than just what do they look like, if there is to be a relationship. Frankly, I've seen some amazingly hot transgender women anyway! Attraction also hinges on their personality, as well as their values and norms. 

There are a lot of great people out there. It seems silly and counterproductive to just plain block off the possibility of a relationship with someone based solely on the preconceived biases we all carry. 

Let's be real. No one knows what anyone else looks like under their clothes until and unless they end up at a point where they see them without those clothes. no one knows in advance anyway what a transgender woman has in her pants. For that matter, I met a cisgender guy who had no male genitalia because of an accident. So no one ever really, truly knows. Why in the world shut off an entire group of people, many of whom are resilient, fun, and caring?

Bluntly, it comes down to prejudice. Ignorant, probably unintentional, prejudice. These folks aren't ruling out dating a transgender woman because of who they are, but rather because of who they used to be. Who among all of us walking the Earth doesn't have some pretty out there stuff in our past, that if known, might make us somehow less desirable? All of us. 

Yet, none of us should have been in that position, and should not be now, either. That was what we WERE. We're not that person anymore. we're not. No one really wants to be judged on their past. Listen to who they are. No one reading this has a perfect body. Instead, maybe folks should be more like Pastor Mark Wingfield, and just be friends with a transgender person. See what happens. You never know!